He doesn't look like he'll be nearly as much fun as Juan Pablo. But we'll watch anyways!
He's ready to meet his wife. I'm ready for him to meet his wife too! Let's goooooo
He's just a small town boy. Living in a lonely world. It's all about Warsaw, Indiana
Hahaha he's driving through his town. He's like: "That's the movie theater. That's where I had my first kiss. She was the most beautiful girl in the world....to me at that time." Then he got heartbroken.
Time for all the girls to bring out their small-town values
Ooooh his biggest fear is the fear of being unlovable. Right in the heart. I didn't ask for these feels
I like this guy. He seems real. I hope he finds some hot blonde woman.
Let's find his Mrs. Higgins!!!
My money's on this one being the bitch that creates drama. Those boobs just scream bitch.
TWINS!!!!!!!! AND THEY COME OUT OF THE LIMO TOGETHER!!!!!
I really should have watched this in higher quality. But oh well.
Oh, all of these chicks are gonna hate on the twins so hard. I love this.
He still has a fear that he is going to be the guy that all 25 women will not want. It hurts. It's probably going to get annoying really fast.
He's gonna get advice! 3 of America's favorite bachelors. Where the hell is Juan Pablo?
Haha, 2 of them are married. The other is a horrific failure.
Hmm, this guy was a Bachelor. Ugh. Probably just old now.
Advice: kiss them all! Hahahahaha
Advice: Make sure they have a really good experience. Hmmmm
This is great advice.
Ribbing the old guy about his age. Always fun. Oh, he did get married. So the one who didn't get married was Chris?
Haha, I just searched Chris and he's suing farmersonly for using his persona.
The old guy is the only guy wearing shorts
Whew, no fucks given.
"If I keep that fear of rejection from doing cool things, then what is life about?" Deep as fuck
Oh damn. I'm excited.
So excited for these twins.
There's another unexpected pair! Becca and Amber. I don't know who they are. I think they're previous contestants. Oh, one of them was the one who said she was a virgin.
Oh, being unlovable is like his thing. It's what he was known for last season I guess.
Time for a preview of some of the women!
Oh hell yeah
Damn. Look at those cheekbones.
She's a flight attendant. Man, she is fine as hell. I hope she goes far.
I'm pretty sure this girl goes far. She's been in all the sneak peek teaser scenes I think.
Oh she's a lot better looking when she's not laughing.
She doesn't seem like she will belong. She'll be that person who is kind of there.
BLACK WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!
She cleans up good though.
She's on a mission to win Ben's heart. And there will be some casualties along the way. Hehehehehehehehehe
DAMN
OH HELL NAW
This bitch is gonna eat your kids.
She embraces the weird.
She's a dentist. "If you can't brush your teeth and floss properly, what else aren't you doing?"
HAHAHAHA she has a patient, and she's like "What do you think of this Ben guy?" And he starts talking, then she goes "Keep your mouth open please"
Haha I'm pretty sure I'm going to love this woman
YESYESYESYESYES
Haha, they're riding a tandem bike in their intro.
Oh man, this chick got a cute voice. That might get kinda annoying though.
She's an aesthetician. AND SHE'S A MOM!!!!! THERE IT IS
Obligatory mom contestant. She is fine as fuck though.
Damn, she's 25.
I like the hair
Haha she asks her kid: "What's Prince Charming's name?" Kid: "Ben"
I love crazy
Tara the chicken enthusiast. She's good looking too! Here come the small town values.
Hahha, she's looking at the pictures on her dresser. And they're pictures of chickens. And Ben.
"What comes first? The chicken or the Ben?"
I hope she goes far too
EW. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING
She's gonna get kicked out real fast
Dammit, her dad was diagnosed with ALS in middle school. Associated with superoxide dismutase mutations. Dammit. She's playing that card.
13 when her dad passed away. Probably due to respiratory failure. I can't stop the boards from popping in. I guess the riluzole didn't work. Inhibition of glutamate. Aggghhh. Make it stop
Ooh, there's definitely a bitchy one coming. I know she's going far.
LIMO TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're all so amicable. I bet they stay that way for the entire season. Haha.
Damn when is Chris Harrison gonna be the Bachelor? That's what I'm waiting for.
First limo is pulling up!!! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes
It begins!
It's the flight attendant Lauren! And she brought him a pin of wings. She hopes he's ready to take off on this journey together. Oh man. She is so cute.
Time for Caila
Hmm. Overdoing it.
Oh she had nothing to say. Boring as fuck.
OH DAMN. HELL YEAH
Jennifer is 25 and a small business owner from Fort Lauderdale. Damn, she looks great.
Oh, she's not as cute from up close.
She pulls out the "Ben and Jen sounds cute". Work
Black woman! Making what is likely to be her only cameo of the season. But you never know. That one other black woman snuck through a bunch of rounds in Juan Pablo's season.
She's from Canada. She knows Kaitlyn. She says that Kaitlyn told her he has "a really really big......heart"
Hahahhahahaha. She has an annoying high pitched laugh. But that was pretty funny.
Next up is Sam the Lawyer. She looks a lot better than that preview. She found out she passed the bar exam on her way there.
She has a question for him: "Boxers, or legal briefs?" THIS IS TOO GOOD
OH DAMN
Ben likes the dress too. Man, she looks incredible.
Awww yeah.
Oh man I think he likes what he sees.
OH DAMNNNNNNNN
Talk about looking incredible
What the fuck is this? Amanda is not playing the game. She didn't use a pickup line. She gives us this half assed hug. She didn't even pull out the I'm a mom card.
Wow. This girl is going to go far. I'm calling it here.
Wow.
She just goes up and tells him to close his eyes. And gives him a quick kiss. And says she just wanted the first kiss. Oh man, this is how you play the game! She is working that shit.
Haha Ben has no idea what to do. He wants her.
Ugh.
Haha, she's talking about how she stalked him on social media.
And he asks for her name like 3 times, but she just keeps talking. Haha. She never ends up telling him her name.
Oh hell yeah. Mathematician definitely beats out math teacher. Not going far, but damn does she look good.
Haha she's talking like Russian. She never speaks English. Hahahaha. This is gonna be fun.
Oh look at that face. That's the face of a bonafide bitch. I love it.
She brought a football.
SHE'S PRESENTING!!!
Hahaha she hikes the ball to him. Then says "I knew you were a catch"
Nice.
Hmmm
She better be really hot or this won't work.
The body is tight though.
Here we go
"So unicorns do exist"
Eh. She could've been better, but she also could've been much worse.
Okay this is the third Lauren. Could they not find anybody with a different name? She's a kindergarten teacher.
She caught the bouquet at a wedding 1 week ago.
So now we have a Laura. Different...but not really that different.
She's got a good body, but that face ain't great.
But you can call her Red Velvet. Alright.
HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA SHE CAME OUT OF THE LIMO WEARING A GIGANTIC ROSE ON HER HEAD
I love this bitch.
"Maybe if things go good tonight, you can pollinate it later"
YES
Haha Caila does not like her walking into her house
Lace is bae
Caila is worrying that she won't stand out. Maybe she shoulda thought of that before she just jumped into his arms with no plan.
TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha Red Velvet just said that she and flight attendant Lauren are wearing the same dress. And Lace says: "You look way better. Flight attendant Lauren's boobs are way too small for the dress" Yeeeee
Red Velvet: "Everyone's really pretty. I was hoping there would be one ugly person, but I have yet to see an ugly individual"
I've got some bad news for her
Ugh, the ugly black chick. What is she even doing here?
Twinstwinstwinstwinstwins
They are named Emily and Haley
They did not really churn out all the stops.
It would have been bomb if they pulled out a Big Brother swap kind of thing, where they kept switching them in and out. That would have been funny.
Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha
When bae hears you brought in twins to compete with her
Haha "Is this some kind of sick joke?"
When black bae hears about the twins
Haha, some girl brought a horse. Let's bring out the crazy.
Kinda chubs, trying to hard with the horse. First boot.
The fuck is she going to do with the horse? I guess she's bringing him inside.
Haha Shushanna is still talking Russian. Either this is the most brilliant fakeout in history or I don't even know.
"How do you compete with twins? With a fucking minihorse, that's how"
Oh hell yeah, if a bitch brings food, she's a keeper.
Oh fuck. She's a nutritional therapist. And she wants to break bread. Which means hitting loaves of bread on the ground.
Because gluten is satan.
When bae realizes we ain't even halfway through the limos and she's surrounded by idiots
Eww. Let's skip over this one. She showed up in pajamas.
She wanted to find out if he was the "onesie" for her. That's pretty good.
When black bae has had enough puns for a lifetime
HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Defining picture of this generation. Just hand her the rose now. No need to even bring in the next limos. I like that she's unemployed too.
Only thing that would make this better is if she eats shit.
Whew, she didn't fall.
Oh Lace is too bitchy. She might actually be out pretty soon.
Hahah they all hate her already
Wow, she's cute. I can definitely see him and her together. I'm going to call her a final 3 contender at least.
Chicken enthusiast!
I think there was something there.
Oh my fresh fuck. Another Lauren. That's number 4
Bitch is telling him her name is Lauren. That ain't helping anybody at this point.
She's got a nice tight ass though.
Ugh, she's a gerontologist. Gross.
She is overly happy to be here. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA SHE BROUGHT HIM A SAVE THE DATE TO THEIR WEDDING. Bold move.
Oh wow. She looks incredible.
That has been 26 ladies. I should've been studying.
They're searching for eligible men for their next Bachelorette! Here I goooo
Aww, he's calling his dad. Just gonna get some family time in before he plows through these bitches
Alright, I'll stop now since I went way over time. That will be the end of part 1. Next part will be once he goes into the house.
But for now, my predictions:
#5: Tiara
#4: Lauren
#3: Caila
#2: Olivia
#1: Jessica
Caila seems pretty nice. She could jump into #1. I think Olivia will go at it hard too. But Jessica is going to be the next Mrs. Higgins. Book it now
Hahha, she's looking at the pictures on her dresser. And they're pictures of chickens. And Ben.
"What comes first? The chicken or the Ben?"
I hope she goes far too
EW. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING
She's gonna get kicked out real fast
Dammit, her dad was diagnosed with ALS in middle school. Associated with superoxide dismutase mutations. Dammit. She's playing that card.
13 when her dad passed away. Probably due to respiratory failure. I can't stop the boards from popping in. I guess the riluzole didn't work. Inhibition of glutamate. Aggghhh. Make it stop
Ooh, there's definitely a bitchy one coming. I know she's going far.
LIMO TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're all so amicable. I bet they stay that way for the entire season. Haha.
Damn when is Chris Harrison gonna be the Bachelor? That's what I'm waiting for.
First limo is pulling up!!! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes
It begins!
It's the flight attendant Lauren! And she brought him a pin of wings. She hopes he's ready to take off on this journey together. Oh man. She is so cute.
Time for Caila
Hmm. Overdoing it.
Oh she had nothing to say. Boring as fuck.
OH DAMN. HELL YEAH
Jennifer is 25 and a small business owner from Fort Lauderdale. Damn, she looks great.
Oh, she's not as cute from up close.
She pulls out the "Ben and Jen sounds cute". Work
Black woman! Making what is likely to be her only cameo of the season. But you never know. That one other black woman snuck through a bunch of rounds in Juan Pablo's season.
She's from Canada. She knows Kaitlyn. She says that Kaitlyn told her he has "a really really big......heart"
Hahahhahahaha. She has an annoying high pitched laugh. But that was pretty funny.
Next up is Sam the Lawyer. She looks a lot better than that preview. She found out she passed the bar exam on her way there.
She has a question for him: "Boxers, or legal briefs?" THIS IS TOO GOOD
OH DAMN
Ben likes the dress too. Man, she looks incredible.
Awww yeah.
Oh man I think he likes what he sees.
OH DAMNNNNNNNN
Talk about looking incredible
What the fuck is this? Amanda is not playing the game. She didn't use a pickup line. She gives us this half assed hug. She didn't even pull out the I'm a mom card.
Wow. This girl is going to go far. I'm calling it here.
Wow.
She just goes up and tells him to close his eyes. And gives him a quick kiss. And says she just wanted the first kiss. Oh man, this is how you play the game! She is working that shit.
Haha Ben has no idea what to do. He wants her.
Ugh.
Haha, she's talking about how she stalked him on social media.
And he asks for her name like 3 times, but she just keeps talking. Haha. She never ends up telling him her name.
Oh hell yeah. Mathematician definitely beats out math teacher. Not going far, but damn does she look good.
Haha she's talking like Russian. She never speaks English. Hahahaha. This is gonna be fun.
Oh look at that face. That's the face of a bonafide bitch. I love it.
She brought a football.
SHE'S PRESENTING!!!
Hahaha she hikes the ball to him. Then says "I knew you were a catch"
Nice.
Hmmm
She better be really hot or this won't work.
The body is tight though.
Here we go
"So unicorns do exist"
Eh. She could've been better, but she also could've been much worse.
Okay this is the third Lauren. Could they not find anybody with a different name? She's a kindergarten teacher.
She caught the bouquet at a wedding 1 week ago.
So now we have a Laura. Different...but not really that different.
She's got a good body, but that face ain't great.
But you can call her Red Velvet. Alright.
HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA SHE CAME OUT OF THE LIMO WEARING A GIGANTIC ROSE ON HER HEAD
I love this bitch.
"Maybe if things go good tonight, you can pollinate it later"
YES
Haha Caila does not like her walking into her house
Lace is bae
Caila is worrying that she won't stand out. Maybe she shoulda thought of that before she just jumped into his arms with no plan.
TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha Red Velvet just said that she and flight attendant Lauren are wearing the same dress. And Lace says: "You look way better. Flight attendant Lauren's boobs are way too small for the dress" Yeeeee
Red Velvet: "Everyone's really pretty. I was hoping there would be one ugly person, but I have yet to see an ugly individual"
I've got some bad news for her
Ugh, the ugly black chick. What is she even doing here?
Twinstwinstwinstwinstwins
They are named Emily and Haley
They did not really churn out all the stops.
It would have been bomb if they pulled out a Big Brother swap kind of thing, where they kept switching them in and out. That would have been funny.
Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha
When bae hears you brought in twins to compete with her
Haha "Is this some kind of sick joke?"
When black bae hears about the twins
Haha, some girl brought a horse. Let's bring out the crazy.
Kinda chubs, trying to hard with the horse. First boot.
The fuck is she going to do with the horse? I guess she's bringing him inside.
Haha Shushanna is still talking Russian. Either this is the most brilliant fakeout in history or I don't even know.
"How do you compete with twins? With a fucking minihorse, that's how"
Oh hell yeah, if a bitch brings food, she's a keeper.
Oh fuck. She's a nutritional therapist. And she wants to break bread. Which means hitting loaves of bread on the ground.
Because gluten is satan.
When bae realizes we ain't even halfway through the limos and she's surrounded by idiots
Eww. Let's skip over this one. She showed up in pajamas.
She wanted to find out if he was the "onesie" for her. That's pretty good.
When black bae has had enough puns for a lifetime
HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Defining picture of this generation. Just hand her the rose now. No need to even bring in the next limos. I like that she's unemployed too.
Only thing that would make this better is if she eats shit.
Whew, she didn't fall.
Oh Lace is too bitchy. She might actually be out pretty soon.
Hahah they all hate her already
Wow, she's cute. I can definitely see him and her together. I'm going to call her a final 3 contender at least.
Chicken enthusiast!
I think there was something there.
Oh my fresh fuck. Another Lauren. That's number 4
Bitch is telling him her name is Lauren. That ain't helping anybody at this point.
She's got a nice tight ass though.
Ugh, she's a gerontologist. Gross.
She is overly happy to be here. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA SHE BROUGHT HIM A SAVE THE DATE TO THEIR WEDDING. Bold move.
Oh wow. She looks incredible.
That has been 26 ladies. I should've been studying.
They're searching for eligible men for their next Bachelorette! Here I goooo
Aww, he's calling his dad. Just gonna get some family time in before he plows through these bitches
Alright, I'll stop now since I went way over time. That will be the end of part 1. Next part will be once he goes into the house.
But for now, my predictions:
#5: Tiara
#4: Lauren
#3: Caila
#2: Olivia
#1: Jessica
Caila seems pretty nice. She could jump into #1. I think Olivia will go at it hard too. But Jessica is going to be the next Mrs. Higgins. Book it now
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