You know I had to.
Oh my god. Sharleen is going to sing opera in this episode. My body is ready.
OMG, Lauren is actually going to break down. She's finally going to do something for the first time since she played piano in the premiere.
This is gonna be awesome.
It starts out with Juan Pablo saying goodbye to his family again. This is the cutest thing.
Haha.
Damn, Sharleen looks damn fine. Game over for everyone else.
Lauren also looks better than she has all season, but she's no match for Sharleen on her game.
Two group dates, one individual date. If Permy Magoo gets the individual date, I will laugh so hard, I'll probably fall out of bed and snap my spine and not feel a thing. It's just the way it is.
The girls are excited because they're going somewhere they need their passports.
Crazy Clare so excited that she's clapping even though Elise is holding her hand. Lauren doing her best to become the template face for Dia de los Muertos candy skulls.
OMG SHARLEEN JUST FANGIRLED ALL OVER THE PLACE! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!!
This is going to be a great TV watching experience.
Cassandra just did the Gangnam style dance. I can't screenshot fast enough to catch it, but I am enjoying this.
Crazy Clare just said that her future husband was waiting for her across the world.
Clare is the best! Also, Elise is definitely going tonight. No way she stays another week.
Clare: Korea? I don't even have a kimono!
God, she's so cute.
I feel like JP got Botox. Just throwing that out there.
Omg, Chelsie is so annoying. Elise being an amazing third wheel and getting screentime in every single shot. Bravo.
Also, Elise looking pretty damn good herself. It ain't just about the bust. Although she will bust out soon for sure. That's one of the few constants of the Bachelor: Elise will look busty as fuck.
Andi straightened her hair and it don't look good. Straighten that shit out girl.
I have no idea what happened to Sharleen. She turned total girly girl-ish in this episode. I ain't complaining, it's just weird.
Date card!
Damn, Nikki also looks good. Everybody bringing their A game.
Lolololol JP waving to Korean people who have no idea who he is.
It's a group date!
Haha Permy Magoo looks permier than ever. Nikki complaining because she didn't want to go on a group date.
Dancing with a KPop group! This is gonna be good.
Haha I had to screenshot this.
Also, JP being super touristy.
JP: Time to dance!
Yee boiii.
Elise looking busty as promised. And Cassandra looks cute as always.
They're dancing with the biggest KPop group in Korea: 2NE1. Not really. But still cool.
Oh my god. Kat dancing. Holy fuck. I think I'm in love.
Nikki starting out with the sprinkler. Then the funky chicken.
Then 2NE1 teaches them their dance. Kat looks fine as fuck. They totally forgot about Cassandra, who looks even better because she was a pro NBA dancer. And dat ass. Well damn.
Kat bragging in her monologues that her dancing is the best, so she's winning. Sorry Kat, I've only watched 3 episodes, but I know that's not how it works.
Nikki whining so much.
Dat one girl with the pink hair in 2NE1 is fine as fuck.
2NE1 invites them to be backup dancers in their performance. 2NE1 confirmed for total fame whores. They did a song with Will.i.am.
Nikki whining even more. Goddamn girl.
Haha that face. But all these girls look damn fine in fobby clothes. This is my fetish.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA JP IN RED SKINNNY JEANS AND AN ASIAN LEATHER JACKET!!!!!!!
OMG KAT WEARING A FOBBY HAT. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE. GODDAYUM.
Daily reminder that Elise is fucking annoying.
Nikki looks fine as hell
Even Elise looks good. But one person is oddly missing.
My girl Cassandra! Look at those bampin' thighs! And she be working that updo the best way she knows how!
HAHA I totally forgot that Permy Magoo was on this group date. Here she is looking like Mickey Mouse
And in case you didn't understand that people love 2NE1, here's a fan that proves it
Hehe. Also, Nikki caught dancing!
One of these people is trying too hard. Can you guess who it is?
Damn, Elise's ass looks amazing. It's probably heavier than all of the girls on the stage combined.
More cute Nikki dancing.
Nikki whining again that the date sucked.
Now they're dressed in dresses and Kat fucking brought it.
And one of these asses is not like the other. Can you guess whose it is? It's so big I can't even fit it into a circle. I had to try all sorts of polygons to try and contain it.
And Cassandra monologue! Definitely not enough Cassandra in this episode.
Oh my god. Kat knows how to work the angles so well. I can't screenshot every frame, but goddamn.
Nikki now badmouthing Kat for being fake in front of the cameras.
Cassandra not laughing along. Those eyes though. Goddamn.
Kat now giving a heart to heart about her dad being an alcoholic, so she's not recognized as just the fun girl.
Awwwwwww she's talking about why she can't talk about her feelings, because she had to be strong and independent.
Oh my god, crying Kat is so hot. She knows how to work it ALWAYS.
Oh that awkwardness when Kat comes back to the group. Cassandra monologuing about the cattiness from Kat, then she gets some one on one time with JP.
Permy Magoo with her first monologue in maybe ever. She's actually not bad looking. And she seems like a good person. I've been far too hard on her. But then again, the perm.
We don't even get a glimpse at Cassandra's one on one time! What the hell???!?!?!?!?!
Elise now telling JP that some girls wouldn't be good mothers, implying Nikki.
Nikki with one on one time now! Uh oh, she might get booted this week. Nikki talking about being overpowered by other girls' personalities (Kat).
Omg, I gasped so hard at this point. Moving the hair out of a girl's eye is like guaranteed going to get you laid. Guaranteed. He wants it.
JP just asked about how Nikki feels about Camila. But she paused! Omg. What's going to happen? But then she spouts off a beautiful answer about how she loves kids and is a pediatric nurse. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Damn. Wow. Great job. Damn, I think I'm in love.
Needs more Kelly.
YEEEEE KELLY WITH THE DATE CARD!
OMG IT SAYS:
SHARLEEN: ARE YOU MY SEOUL MATE?
SOOOOO GOOD. YESSSS. GIT WORKIN SHARLEEEN!!!!!!
Clare shocked that her future husband would do such a thing.
Sharleen is so cute. But then she ruins it by her robot talking. "I am happy."
Clare saying Sharleen and JP aren't right for each other in her monologue.
Time for group date rose! Is it time for Permy Magoo to outshine all the other girls?
Damn, Kat working that coffee cup like a basic bitch. She's too good.
OMG. OMG. OMG. He's asking to talk alone with Nikki.
Cassandra realizing that she didn't get the rose. OMG so sad.
Everybody hates Nikki now because she got the rose. OMG. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
No Permy Magoo monologues as expected.
JP shower scene! JP saying Sharleen is his favorite one! Let it happen please!!!!
Sharleen in a fucking kimono. What is up with this bitch?
Oh my fucking lord. My jaw literally dropped. How is this possible? Goddamn.
Clare following it up with a look of genuine disgust.
Dude.
Omg. How is someone so hot so fucking awkward? I don't understand.
JP feeding Sharleen Korean food. Haha.
Some grandma just at a crab, shell and all, and this was their reaction.
I love it.
Girls talking about how they don't get Sharleen and JP.
Haha Sharleen just called JP a smartass. OMG so cute. She's calling JP not bland. So awkward and cute. I don't know how I feel. And Sharleen's ass. Goddamn.
OMG SHARLEEN ABOUT TO SING OPERA!!!!!! YESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEE BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh damn, Sharleen in a ponytail. Damn hot.
My heart. My heart can't handle it. Her voice etched its way into my heart. Oh hot damn.
KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg, JP bit Sharleen's lip while kissing. Guaranteed sex.
Sharleen getting less awkward. And even hotter.
They're talking about how alike they are. It's going to happen. I want to cry. They're so perfect together!
Uh oh, he just asked how many kids she wants. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Oh no. This can't break up this couple!
Sharleen monologue: If I tell him the truth, it could be a dealbreaker.
Oh no. She's saying she's never even thought about kids. Now blaming her being career focused. Pretty good way to sidestep the question. My jaw won't close.
Oh no.
Sharleen.
Answer this question carefullly.
Omg.
She just said that a kid was like a first that she could never have with a guy. So true. But my heart.
He picked up the rose.
He's talking about how much he likes Sharleen.
And how much he appreciates her honesty!!!
I CAN'T STOP SMILING!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lauren breakdown coming up!
Second group date time!
Oh holy shit. Kelly. Fucking hell.
Hehe this Asian tried to sneak her way into the group date. No can doosville.
This is obviously the B group. And Clare.
They're going to do karaoke!
Okay, that was anticlimactic
Dear Penthouse Forum,
If I'm ever stuck on a plastic boat with 2 crazy chicks, make it these 2 crazy chicks. Thanks.
Clare complaining that her one on one time was so long ago.
Now getting fish pedicures, where the fish eat the dead skin off their feet. All the fish are gathering around Renee's feet because she's so old.
Clare getting jealous that other people are talking to JP.
Clare says she doesn't want to eat octopus. So JP goes to get octopus.
She's scared of eating octopus. Everybody chanting for her to eat it.
Kelly: I know you've swallowed bigger things than that.
Andi really hates Clare for being so territorial. Now nighttime! Damn, Kelly's ass.
Renee first to get one on one time. Oh no, he's not feeling Milfy Renee. She's gonna get the kickaroonie out of the house sometime soon.
Renee: How would Camila feel if I kissed you?
Holla! Gameplay!
JP says he's not in a hurry to kiss anybody, so he's not kissing Renee. Noice.
Clare pointing out she was the first to get kissed by JP.
Andi chat with JP! Hahahahaa Andi dissing JP's dancing. JP saying she gets his sense of humor. Omg. I'm torn. Which do I like better? Juarleen or Juandi? I'M SO TORN!!!!!
He called both Sharleen and Andi "bella". Workin it.
Uh oh, Lauren one on one time. She's dancing with him, and she literally asks for a kiss. And he says no, because he has a daughter. Sadness. Lauren is now crying. Breakdown imminent.
Kelly with a smile because JP and Lauren had a sad hug. Hahahahhaah so bitchy. So good.
Are you going to try to kiss him?
Clare: I'm not going to TRY to kiss him.
Yee girl. Then Kelly with a vintage eye roll. God, this episode has not had enough Kelly.
Another picture of Kelly because we are seriously lacking.
Alright, then Clare gets her one on one time. And she's crazy ready.
She's talking about how she ate the octopus, and how she's so proud of herself. JP is losing interest in her fast. This can't be good.
Haha JP talking about how hot Clare is. Her teeth and lips in particular. Bro. He's thinking exactly what I'm thinking. Those teeth are perfect.
They just reneged on their no kissing policy. YEEE BOIIIII!!!!!!!! GET IT!!!!!!
Uh oh, it's time for the rose! TIME FOR THE ROSE!!!!!!!!! Where the hell was the Kelly one on one time??
Andi got the rose! I thought Clare would get it, but that's good too!
Oh shit. Clare vs. Nikki confrontation coming up. This is gonna be great.
Oh hot damn, the girls in dresses again. I love this show.
YEEE KELLY ONE ON ONE TIME! Damn, she's in a gold metallic dress.
I can't handle myself anymore. Holy shit.
Sharleen saying that the girls with roses agreed to let the girl with no rose to have their time with him tonight.
Uh oh, Nikki is going for one on one time with him!
Clare talking about her dad again! Another constant of the Bachelor.
Nikki now getting more one on one time with JP. Clare is pissed.
Haha Sharleen talking to Lauren and Allison. Being friends with the two most useless people in the the house.
JP hinting that there might be a problem in the house. Nikki thinking Clare tried to spark up some shit right before.
Omg Kelly talking with Nikki about Clare, then Clare comes, and Kelly smoothly goes: We were just talking about Lauren's super awkward date. What a boss. That was a beautifully executed lie.
AND THEN SHE BRINGS UP THAT SHE FEELS AWKWARD BETWEEN THEM!!!!!
SO GOOD. KELLY WITH THAT SNEAK ATTACK ON EVERYBODY!!!! And she got front row seats to this catfight.
Uh oh, Clare just told Nikki that she's one way with the girls and one way with him. Shit is going to go down.
Damn, Kat wearing a silver metallic dress. Fine as fuck.
ROSE CEREMONY COMING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goddamn, where did Chelsie's boobs come from? Those things are huge.
Rose ceremony! If they don't receive a rose, they'll be on a plane for 12 hours feeling rejected.
Sharleen, Andi, and Nikki already have roses. Here we go!
Shit I have no idea who's staying and who's going. I know Lauren for sure is going, but I don't know about anybody else.
First rose: for Milfy Renee! Wow. I didn't see that coming.
Rose for Chelsie. Ugh. Gross.
ROSE FOR KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE KELLY FOR THE UPCOMING WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! PERMY MAGOO GOT A ROSE!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!! WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER????? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
CASSANDRA GOT A ROSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg, Clare and Kat are still without roses.
OMG ALLISON GOT A ROSE! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING????
YEEEEEEEEEEE CLARE GOT A ROSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING JP GETTING SUSPENSEFUL
One last rose. If Kat doesn't get it, that would be a major upset.
KAT GETS THE FINAL ROSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was actually correct in my prediction! Elise and Lauren are the ones going!
No more bustiness for the upcoming weeks. Unless Chelsie breaks out the boobs again.
Omg, Elise taking another shot at the girls that won't be good mothers in her monologue.
Oh geez. Lauren. She made one mistake of asking him for a kiss. So sad.
They're going to leave Seoul to Vietnam! Dude, the Bachelor is also like the Travel Channel!
OMG, Clare breaks down next week. She might actually not get a rose. Uh oh.
Haha, ending with JP dancing to KPop. Haha with some of the girls. Omg ... Permy Magoo actually looks like Cassandra if you ignore the hair. But I can't ignore the hair.
Let's end with Cassandra because she's so cute.
What a great episode!
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