I can only assume that people are freaking out because their TVs are severely lacking in Permy Magoo
I know mine is!
Now we're in Lake Taupo, New Zealand! Omg, the preview looks intense. This is going to be a heart wrenching episode.
Damn, this place is beautiful. Lakes, geysers, volcanoes, and everything else. This is even better than the Travel Channel.
Eww Chelsie with a monologue. She's so annoying.
Damn, Kat looks fine
Clare is super insecure about her relationship with Juan Pablo now. My heart can't take it!
Andi gets a one on one date! Who saw that coming? Pretty much everybody.
Sharleen also looks damn fine.
Clare is really sad she didn't get the first one on one date. She says things are building and building inside of her, and she just might erupt! This is gonna be good!
Awww Cassandra's crying while talking to Milfy Renee because she's never met somebody like JP who is invested in her and her kid.
Haha if Andi were ever my lawyer, I would have to fire her. My lawyer would never be allowed to say one on one date 3 times in one sentence.
Time for one on one date!
They're taking a ride on a motor boat, and JP pulls out a classic sneak peek
Bravo. Stealth to the max
JP says he pulled out a very adventurous date for her today. Oh you tricky bastard with your mind games.
They're going to a place called the Squeeze. I like it already.
I have no idea what this was, but when the boat driver said they were going swimming, JP started rubbing his hands together like a madman and saying Ayayayayay.
Omg Andi's one piece. No. Just no.
Crawling through rocks in the water and stuff. If this weren't a TV show, I'd be worried that JP was some kind of weird serial killer leading her to somewhere no one would ever find her.
Andi talking about letting her guard down. Just stop. Please.
And they get to a waterfall! Making out underneath a waterfall! Gameplay!
I'm getting tired of Andi. She used to be my favorite, but I'm over it.
They're having dinner right next to a geyser now. And it went off and got everything wet and completely ruined their dinner, according to Andi.
Date card!!!!
Cassandra hoping it's for her because it's her 22nd birthday tomorrow.
Group date card!
Sharleen, Chelsie, Milfy Renee, Nikki, Kat, Cassandra
Clare totally rubs it in that she's going to get a one on one date, and Cassandra looks super disappointed.
JP unzips his jacket and gives a rose to Andi!
Andi whips out a "Dame un besito," which JP taught her a while back. What a play.
Time for group date!
Uh oh, Chelsie steals JP for a little bit. Here to win.
Cassandra not liking this shit happening on her birthday.
And they walk down the hill and see gigantic balls, where you go inside and roll!
Oh damn, the girls be stripping and getting in their bikinis. Prepare for an onslaught of screenshots.
Actually it's really hard to get screenshots. They're moving too fast.
Nikki and JP making out in one of the balls!
Aww, Cassandra complaining that she didn't get any time with JP. She's so cute.
Damn, not even one screenshot worthy shot. The cameraman sucked.
Sharleen is fangirling because they're having a cocktail party at the Baggins's house in Lord of the Rings
It's been tough getting screenshots of Kat because I can't get good ones while she talks, but she definitely brought it when she walked in.
Speaking of which, she's always the first to walk in anywhere. Just sayin'
Awwww, Cassandra wanting one on one time with JP. If she could get a rose, it would be the best birthday present ever.
But JP takes Milfy Renee for the first one on one time.
Milfy Renee talking to JP about her talk with Cassandra. About how meeting JP has given them hope. Milfy Renee is so nice.
And they make out! Damn, that's some hot ass shit. I love watching attractive people do stuff.
Nikki next with JP!
Nikki going to tell him her feelings because she's bad with feelings. God, it's getting really repetitive.
The girls are talking about the meaning of getting the rose during the rose ceremony or the group date. Elise saying something pretty smart about how getting the group rose like last week meant that he wanted to keep them around and get to know them better, but now it's more like their relationship is going places.
Sharleen and JP one on one time!
Wow. If Sharleen stared at me like that, she would have all my money in an instant.
Sharleen starting out with a classic robot "How are you?"
JP in with the kiss immediately!
Damn. That's some intense ass shit.
Damn. This is super hot.
I can remove RedTube from my favorites list now. I can just watch this on a loop.
Sharleen with the denial! Sharleen with the denial! What a move!
Sharleen wants to talk. Women. Can't keep them quiet even if you're having the hottest make out session ever.
Sharleen with that cute smile.
Talking about how the process is inorganic.
Then back to making out!
Girls cheering for Cassandra's birthday. So cute. Everyone likes her.
Omg, Cassandra is the cutest.
Time for the rose!
Sharleen gets it!
Omg, both Milfy Renee and Cassandra are devastated that Cassandra didn't get it. Milfy Renee said she wanted Cassandra to be with JP if she wasn't.
Omg.
Omg.
Omg.
I'm literally holding back tears.
This can't be happening.
Oh Nikki says that he might be telling her happy birthday. Let's hope so.
JP talking to Cassandra. Omg, he says he's been thinking a lot.
No.
No.
No.
No.
NO!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Why does it hurt so much?
He's talking about how they're in different chapters of their lives. And he's letting her go home early so she can be with her son.
AND HE DIDN'T EVEN WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow.
My heart.
She didn't even get to say goodbye to the girls!
Now playing sad whiny white people music as JP walks back to the house and Cassandra's Jeep leaves
Elise points out that he's alone.
JP explaining to the girls what happened. Sharleen looking fine as fuck.
Shit is getting heartfelt. I'm not sure I have enough heartstrings to be tugged at for the rest of the season.
JP Skyping with his daughter. She happens to be a spaz dancing with a broom.
One on one date for Clare!
Clare saying that JP is more than welcome to say that he's sorry.
And if he doesn't, is he really the man she wants? Ooooh snap!
Clare saying she needs answers
God, I love needy chicks
Now they kiss! Yee! Claruan Pablo is still alive! It's going to be a thing!
Clare talking about how Juan treats his daughter makes her confident that he would treat her kids right. This is a great talk. Clare knows exactly how to do it.
JP can't control himself when he sees Clare because she's so damn hot. WHat a bro.
Damn, Clare in sweat is fucking fine. What can't this girl do?
All this talk about Clare bolting is major red flags. More evidence of the super crazy. But still hot.
Omg, making out to the song playing on their first date. I'm gonna use that for sure.
Clare gets a rose!
My two favorite girls are safe! Elise is definitely going home! Yee boii!
Heart to heart talk with Chris Harrison.
Uh oh, Kat might actually go home. She hasn't done shit.
Nikki first up with one on one time. They kiss.
Milfy Renee next. He likes her.
Kat and Chelsie talking about which one of them will leave.
Kat hasn't been kissed! I kind of forgot about that!
Elise talking to Elise that she's here for a reason. Oh shit. Kat might be going.
Kat now talking to JP about her dad. And how he was never there for her.
Kat: Saying what I said tonight, I think it's going to be Chelsie going home tonight.
Good stuff!
Rose ceremony!
Andi, Sharleen, and Clare all have roses!
Nikki gets the first rose
Milfy Renee gets the next rose!
Here we go!
Final rose!
Chelsie gets the final rose! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kat going home!
Sharleen saying "I'm really sad"
Sharleen is making friends with all the wrong people. First Kelly then Kat. Kind of like Cassandra being besties with Permy Magoo.
Aww, Kat crying. She's talking about how it's a marathon and not a sprint. First time she's really seemed real and not fake. But kind of late now.
Sharleen crying more. She says she feels guilty, and she feels like it's wrong somehow.
And she says she sees other girls here suiting him better. Oh my god. Please don't Sharleen!
JP says they're going to Miami next week!
Sharleen says she's going to give it another week. Oh my god. No. Don't leave!
I've already had Permy Magoo and Cassandra pulled from me! If Sharleen's gone, there's no reason for me to watch! Aaaaagh!
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