Because I don't get enough talk about doctors at school.
Alright, let's start!
So Rachel Bilson is on a bus in Alabama, and she's whiny as fuck that she's no longer in New York. So let's take a look at her story:
So she be giving her speech at her med school graduation ceremony, and this old guy is like super moved. So he offers her a job, but obviously she's too good for it. She gonna do a residency in surgery, then do a fellowship in thoracics, so she can be a cardiothoracic surgeon just like her dad!
Haha, "Our last name's Hart, so it's pre-destined"
Old guy is le sad he got rejected.
Meanwhile, Rachel Bilson is having it all.
With an amazing boyfriend who was doing the same surgery residency in New York.
BUT
Whaley magoo. Because she liked to talk about surgery more than she liked to talk about his day.
"But my dad taught me, to be a great surgeon, you can't let feelings get in the way. So, I kept my pain inside"
Whaley whaley whale. This is going to end well.
She angry now.
This guy is definitely in something.
"If you want to be a heart surgeon, then you got to work on your own."
DAMNNNN RIGHT IN THE FEELS
She refused to read to a patient. And she didn't remember her patient's name. Oh damn.
"You need to see patients as people to help, not as puzzles to solve"
Damn this guy is like the old sage at the top of the medicine advice mountain.
So he wants her to be work as a general practitioner for a year if she wants his recommendation.
There ain't no general practice job in the city, so she gonna have to go elsewhere! Oh snap!
So the old guy from graduation sent her a postcard each year, so she accepts his offer. And onto Alabama we goo!
Well hello legsy
She is so gonna tap this guy. Right up the butt.
So he's apparently a lawyer who used to work at some prestigious firm in New York, but Alabama is his home. Hey hey hey.
Ah, I love CW. The people are so attractive.
She's gonna need that fellowship in thoracic surgery, because this guy is deep inside her heart already.
The sexual tension is palpable. Just make sure to inspect and auscultate first! Heyoooooo
So the guy's name is George Tucker. And Rachel Bilson's name is Zoe Hart.
WHALE, she just introduced herself as Dr. Zoe Hart. Awksauce.
Little does he know, she already found it!
The old ladies be whispering about her now.
Damn, she got a nice ass house. Oh wait, it's the doctor's office.
OH SHIT. The old guy doctor has been dead for 4 months!
Whale, apparently the receptionist had been sending her postcards because he said that if they kept sending her postcards, Zoe would eventually show up! Whaley whale whale whale.
What the fuck is happening? We're only 8 minutes in. I don't even.
That was all before the opening sequence came on. Damnnnnnnnnn.
She's been here for less than a day and she's already got the Southern lingo down. Damn girl work!
Zoe just threw away her catch of the day lunch because it was fried fish!
That lady is giving the exact same look I would give.
Twists on twists on twists! Is this show written by Julie Chen?
Zoe be judgy as fuck.
So this is the daughter of the other doctor in town. And she says "Daddy can be quite imposing"
Zoe: Well, you tell Daddy that if my medical career hasn't been killed by my mother or the Chief of Surgery at New York Hospital, it most certainly won't be by some Southern xenophobe dressed up like a stick of butter.
Claws are out!
Mmmmm, then Zoe asks the receptionist lady to get her a venti soy latte. This girl.
Well here's the problem.
Haha, I did this for like an hour straight one day. But those legz. Legsity legsity legs legs legs.
Whale, this will end badly too.
Patient: Know that thing about potato chips, where you can't eat just one? Big Mabel (daughter) feels that way about lunch.
Hahahhaa I love it.
Mmmmmmm, then Zoe kind of ignores her and points out the dark spots on the daughter's face. This bitch.
So she needs a place to stay, so the receptionist says she can stay at the mayor's plantation
Well hello chocolate man.
Apparently he used to be an NFL linebacker.
Oh hay
So there's this guy who lives at the gatehouse or something, and they share the same generator
He gon be a handful of biscuits in a ham hock
Zoe: Well, that smile might make all the girls at the church social swoon, but it's not going to work on me.
Well damn!
And on her way back to her house, there's an alligator in the path!
She falls down and guess who gets her back up
George: An alligator? Why didn't you say so? That is an emergency!
(Turns to alligator)
George: Beat it, Burt
(Alligator walks away)
HAHAHHAHAA I love this show
It's Burt Reynolds, the mayor's pet alligator.
They are so going to get some fuck
Perks on perks!
WHALE
So her first patient was this guy who needed an eye exam for the DMV. So she told him to read off the chart, but got distracted by her mom's phone call. So she just signed off on his note for him.
Then the receptionist called, and he just ran a person over! HE RAN A WOMAN OVA!
The receiptionist berates Zoe because she did not read the medical records! Everybody knows that he memorized the eye chart. And now ... HE RAN A WOMAN OVA
WHAT. HE RAN GEORGE TUCKER OVA.
Bitch dunno how to flirt.
George Tucker has a dislocated shoulder.
Hehe
Then George passes out!
And here comes the town's web site blogger who asks Zoe how it feels to be responsible for maiming George Tucker, town golden boy. Oh yeah, the blogger is like 15.
She is my favorite
Whaaaaale.
AHHHHHHH CUTE
Dooble cute
So the other doctor comes back from his hunting trip, and he's saltier than an alligator on a speedboat about Zoe taking his patients.
And then, he says that she's met his lawyer.
OH SHIT. TWISTS SO HARD IT'S LIKE A TWISTABLE AT BOOT CAMP. CRAZY GOOD! IT'S A FROOT SNACK WITH A TWIST
This is how you know shits about to go down.
Other doc: We've been doing just fine. We survived Katrina, we survived BP by piling up the sandbags and boarding up the windows...to keep the rot outside. From fouling our community. We are going to chase you away from our waters.
DAMN BOY DAMNNNNNNNNN
So Zoe goes to the convenience store, and gets some wine. And Fat Mabel works there! Then Zoe starts talking to her, and tells her what the dark patches on her face are.
Any guesses?
It's melasma! Fat Mabel's pregnant! HO DAMN. TWISTS ON TWISTS ON TWISTS ON TWISTS
Aw, Zoe being nice to Fat Mabel
Oh shit.
If she's engaged to George Tucker, I will flip my table.
I have flipped my table. I can't even anymore.
HAHAHHAA I love this
That stare. It is so on.
Sadface
I'm still only 24 minutes in. This is exhausting.
WHAAAAAALE
DON'T DO IT ZOE! WAIT FOR GEORGE TUCKER!!!!!
This is better than two baboons on a rabbit hop.
For an aspiring cardiothoracic surgeon, Zoe is breaking my heart.
Omg
Oh haha she hit the horn and it played a song, then she left. Whaley whale.
And guess who's waiting for her at home?
Her mom! Oh damn!!
Oh a separate note, Zoe has got some damn fine cheekbones.
So the mom tells Zoe that she doesn't belong there, and they make arrangements to leave Blue Bell. She tells George, and ...
Oh damn oh damn oh damn oh damn
Mmmmmmmmm this nigga having regrets! You know what's happening next!
Bruh
George Tucker: Bluebell and Lemon, they're who I am. I can't really be my best self without them.
Oh, Lemon is the blonde girl. In case I didn't mention that earlier.
Yes Zoe! Work that flirt!
Oh Zoe. I can bet your sweet ass that this isn't goodbye forever.
But now Fat Mabel calls! She ain't feeling well!
But the bitchy women won't let her into the house.
Do you believe in the power of chocolate? I sure do
Black guy handshake
COCKBLOCK TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONTRACTIONS ARE 15 SECONDS APART! MABEL IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS STILL THE FIRST EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other doctor comes in, but Mabel refuses him! DAMN GIRL DAMN!!!!!
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
LEMON ASKS THE MAYOR IF HE'S ON A DATE WITH ZOE
AND HE ASKS IF THAT'S ANY OF HER BUSINESS. BECAUSE THEY ARE AT HER ENGAGEMENT PARTY
SHE DEFINITELY GOT SOME CHOCOLATE D
The shoulder's lodged in the pelvis! Other doctor wants to push the head back in and get her to the hospital 20 miles away.
ZOE ASKS FOR A SCALPEL!!!!!!!!! SHE GON DO A SYMPHYSIOTOMY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which I hear is a slicing open of the pelvis. SHIT IS INTENSE AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
DOOD DOOD DOOD
BLOOD EVERYWHERE! MABEL IS PASSING OUT!!!!!!!
ZOE COACHING HER THROUGH THIS!!!!!!! SHE GETTING THOSE PEOPLE SKILLS!!
BABY BE BORN!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE GOT 10 FINGERS AND 10 TOES AND LUNGS THAT WOULD MAKE CARRIE UNDERWOOD JEALOUS!!!!
THEN ZOE SEWS THAT FATTY BACK UP!
I got chills
She has grown up so much in the past 35 minutes
OH DAMN, so the mom of Mabel walks in and she's like a baby? And Mabel's like "Fuck you bitch. Get out." Not in those words, but that was the spirit.
OH SHIT THE RECEPTIONIST IS GONNA TELL HER WHY HARLEY LEFT ZOE HIS PRACTICE!!!!
SHE'S DEFFO HIS DAUGHTER I BET I BET I BET
My heart is beating so fast. If it beats any faster, Imma need a cardiothoracic surgeon to get me back to normal
She hands Zoe a picture
I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YASYASYASYASYASYASYAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO AMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT EXPLAINS WHY HER DAD STOPPED LOVING HER!!!!!!!!!!
THE DAD KNEW BECAUSE HE TRIED DONATING BLOOD TO HER AND IT WASN'T A MATCH!
THE MOM HAD THE AFFAIR ON A CRUISE WHEN SHE WAS ENGAGED!!!! EVEN THE OLD PEOPLE ARE GETTING SEX ON THE CW!!!!! THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH DAMN!!! ZOE JUST SAID SHE'S STAYING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YESYESYESYESYESYES
Zoe: Growing up, I learned that to be a surgeon, I couldn't let myself feel. But then, I came to Bluebell
So fashionable.
And now she knows all the patients of the town
SO GOOD! I love this show!
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