So this girl is running away from a gigantic spider, then a gigantic ninja star comes at her. Yeah. Then she gets hit by a car. This guy we can't see tells the driver to call 911, so the driver goes back to his car to call. The guy puts his hand over the girl's mouth and suffocates her to death. Damn!
So white guy and black guy get called to the scene, and they start rounding up suspects as per usual. They find out she went to a bed and breakfast immediately before, so they go there. The bed and breakfast owner shows them the garden and black guy steps on a frog that's jumping around on the ground!
B&B owner get like super intense, and he's like: they be endangered. Then white guy sees in the reflection of the fountain that the B&B owner turns into something. White guy and black guy leave, and B&B owner eats the frog! He ate the frog! That's frogging insane!
White guy goes back to bald aunt's trailer to research what he saw. Apparently he's a Ziegevolk, otherwise known as a Bluebeard. And they like having sex with women. Whale.
Good Blutbad, who I will start calling Blutgood is playing cello because he's good. Then white guy comes to his house because bromance. Blutgood tells white guy that Ziegevolks get all the chicks. They're lovers, not fighters. And Blutgood seems pretty salty that he can't get ass.
Hello hot girlfriend.
So they track a bunch of missing women, and find that a lot of them were found pregnant with the same baby daddy! OH DAMN
B&B owner brings food down to his basement. It's chicken and green beans. Looks yummy. He leaves them in front of cages and female arms come out to grab them. Damn boy damn!!!!
Then he turns on these gas pipes!
Black guy is outside his house and puts a tracker on his car.
Then B&B owner picks up a frog and puts it in his inside jacket pocket! This guy's got a great serial rapist look about him.
He is also incredibly Jewish. Those frogs ain't kosher
They're staking him out, but he ends up just walking past his car! Ruh roh.
Black guy jumps the fence of the B&B to investigate something. This guy is going to get attacked by frogs very soon. Meanwhile white guy follows B&B owner
And he eats a frog. Yummeh.
He gettin ready for the women. Yee boii. Then he goes into a bar.
White guy calls Blutgood to go investigate goat pimp.
There's this entire other story where this guy is trying to hunt down white guy for killing one of his monster friends I guess. Police chief boss (who is also hot blonde monster chick's boss) hears this. So he shows up in the hotel room of the guy trying to find white guy. Incredibly confusing.
And then he starts speaking French. I should've done that Duolingo. If he was talking about eating bread with ducks in Italian, I would be there. Io mangio il pane con le anatre. Hold back the women. I got that goat pimpin style goin.
Oh shit. That's like the bossiest thing to say. It's goin down to the basement. Friday the 13th and guess who's playing Jason.
IT JUST GOT BETTER!!!!! DAMN BOY DAMNNNNN
THEN THE GUY KNEELS! HE'S NOW HIS BITCH!!!!
Boss guy says that his friend brought it upon himself, because he didn't get boss guy's permission. Boss guy says the bitch guy can't take revenge. He denies it. This guy making fucking power moves all over the place!
Then he cuts off the ear of the bitch guy with a tomahawk!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES
Oh damn. Then he throws the ear back at bitch guy as a souvenir. Power plays all over the place.
Bitch guy saying that boss guy is protecting a Grimm seemed to have struck a nerve.
Blutgood meets up with white guy and says that toad-eating Ziegevolk aren't just breeders, but herders. So Blutgood goes inside. He's going to have buttsex so hard. Right up the butt.
So he goes up to the bar and eavesdrops on Ziegevolk Jew hitting on a woman. He gives her the card to his B&B and start's talking about bramble bushed "They've got these long arching canes that at first don't flower, but then with a loving touch produce a succulent fruit that is just bursting with flavor"
Gameface.
Even Blutgood wants a piece.
But really.
Ziegevolk Jew touches the woman, and magic happens. She's now his..
Black guy finds the basement in the B&B. Apparently all these monsters have beds in their basements. One of the posts turns into a snake!
Black guy falls down in fear, and lands next to a cage. Then he sees a woman in the cage! Ho damn.
Blutgood comes out of the bar and says that the Ziegevolk Jew is too potent that even he wanted him. Whale I was right!
Ziegevolk Jew comes out of the bar and white guy begins following him again. Then Blutgood hits on the woman that Ziegevolk Jew was hitting on and she tells him to piss off.
White guy calls black guy to tell him that Ziegevolk Jew is going back, but black guy is passed out.
Oh shit. This is creepy as fuck.
Ziegevolk Jew goes back to his basement and turns off the gas valves. Girl he was hitting on in the bar now pulls up to the B&B.
Hey hey hey.
Hay hay hay
Then white guy just comes in to cock block! Laame
White guy wants to question the lady, so he takes her outside. Then he just sends her away. And she just goes. I dunno what that Ziegevolk magic did.
White guy goes back into the house, and Ziegevolk Jew is gone. So he calls black guys cell phone and follows the rings.
Oh, apparently white guy's name is Nick. Good I figured that out 4 episodes in.
He finds black guy who has regained consciousness, then Ziegevolk Jew locks them inside the room with the women in cages and turns the gas on. Oh shit.
Ziegevolk Jew leaves the house, and the woman from the bar is waiting. White guy and black guy just push through a wall. That was surprisingly easy. They turn the gas off and the girls get picked up by ambulances and get blankets and hot cocoa.
White guy and black guy (who are Nick and Hank! I might start calling them that) look at black guy's iPad and it shows them tracking Ziegevolk Jew on the highway. Awww yeah.
Then it shows Ziegevolk Jew at a waterfall, and black guy is now in pursuit of him. He turns into a goat and starts parkouring all over the place!
HAHAHHAHA THEN HE GET'S HIT BY A CAR REGINA GEORGE STYLE!!!!!!
He's not dead, but the ambulance comes to get him. Uh oh, female EMT.
HO SHIT. SHE TOUCHES HIM AND MAGIC HAPPENS. THIS SHIT AIN'T OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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